My name is Brooke and I am saved by grace through faith alone so I cannot boast – because really, I would! God has saved me from my pride, from the evil that is in me. . . from my perfectionism and from anxiety. Out of His love for me alone he brought me to New Jersey from the comfort of my family and very rural Pennsylvania by means of what I would consider my dream job – something I couldn’t ever have done on my own.
And now I’m looking back, four years later, and I realize, that He brought here to grow me up more into the woman that He’s called me to be, to meet my husband, Jesse, and to prepare us together for work in His kingdom until He comes back for us <3
God has blessed me with so much, and I’ve been with Jesus, in different capacities, for my whole life. He has never left me, He has never forsaken me, He has never let me down. And yet, I still question Him and wonder why He isn’t answering my demands and my suggestions for how things should go.
I have been so depressed, so anxious, that I thought I would die, just from anxiety. I would cry and cry and cry, until I couldn’t anymore, until my sobs were dry, and I didn’t know why. And it is so frustrating to me, even now, because I don’t know why, and I’m not convinced that an antidepressant can fix me.
I used to blame myself for not praying enough, or worshiping enough, or fasting enough, thinking that if I were a better Christian, God would heal me. And at the same time, I felt so selfish because my depression and my anxiety was so pitiful compared to the struggles of others I knew, and I was so selfish.
But I’ve learned that it isn’t anything I can do or not do as much as we do live in a fallen world, and we all need Jesus. We all need saving. And I do believe that once we are saved, we are secure in Christ, and we are safe from evil. But we live in an evil world, and we live in sinful bodies and from the effects of that, we need to be washed clean by His grace, and by the Spirit presence within us and each other.
Once I was at a worship group and I became so overwhelmed with anxiety and depression that I was nauseous – I had pains in my stomach – I felt faint. And I was prayed over and loved on and it went away! Praise Jesus – it went away! I felt light, I felt calm, I felt the most overwhelming peace. And it wasn’t because I did anything, and it wasn’t because they did anything – but because Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be our advocate – to be our teacher, and our reminder of who Jesus is, and what He said. And the Holy Spirit heals.
In Isaiah 58, it says “Set free those who are held by chains without any reason. Untie the ropes that hold people as slaves. Set free those who are crushed. Break every evil chain.”
It might not be once and done. But God loves us. He loves you. And He wants you to know Him better.